For several weeks, I’ve been diving in with folks on their You Were Buit For This roadmap calls. One consistent theme that has emerged from my conversations is this: most people claim they don’t know what they want to do next in their careers.
They know they are unhappy in their current roles. They know they want to do something more impactful that generates a livable income, but when I ask what that thing is, I get some form of, “I don’t know. That’s why I’m on this call with you” as a response.
As a coach with years of experience, I know this answer isn’t true. Deep down, we know what we want to do. We just don’t want that desire to be the answer for all sorts of reasons.
Usually, it’s because we think our desired career won’t generate enough income, we’ll have to return to school and start over, or we don’t have the right connections.
In other words, we think the road to getting where we want to go will be a huge pain in the a**. And that belief can stop us from even taking the first step toward our goal.
Trust me. I know. I’ve experienced this same phenomenon in my own work.
The Fellowship
A year or two ago, I answered a publisher’s call for women of color who wanted to write their first book. The callout offered a one-year fellowship to help the women write, finish, and publish their books.
When I saw this opportunity, I had been toying with the idea of writing a book for some time, but I hadn’t done anything about it. So this seemed like the perfect way for me to put my idea into action.
I interviewed for the fellowship, pitched my book idea, and was accepted.
But the book I pitched and intended to write isn’t the one I ended up writing (and am still writing). Deep down, I needed to write about something else.
Answering The Call
When an author I admired would say in interviews that their book wasn’t the book they intended to write, I never understood it. How could you write something without knowing what you wanted to say?
Don’t you start with an idea? Then turn that into a theme, and then turn that into a clear outline indicating where your point begins and ends.
Surprisingly, this fellowship taught me the answer is “not really.” If you write what you think you should write, you never get to the truth you are being called to bring forth.
Often that truth is more profound, vulnerable, and requires more courage than you planned on giving when you first had the idea.
James Baldwin explained it this way,
When you’re writing, you’re trying to find out something which you don’t know. The whole language of writing for me is finding out what you don’t want to know, what you don’t want to find out. But something forces you to anyway.”
I pitched a book about career coaching and career transitions for the fellowship because that’s the truth I was willing to talk about then. Through the writing process, I learned that what I needed to write about were the answers to these questions:
How do we, women of color, continue to believe in ourselves and our dreams while acknowledging that oppression will limit our success no matter how smart we are or how much Black Girl magic we exude?
How does a smart girl of color muster the courage to live life vulnerability, authentically, and successfully knowing that her community has very specific ideas about what a successful life looks like, and she doesn’t want that version?
What does courage look like for my daughter and other mixed-race girls when they will experience discrimination out in the world while being accused of not acknowledging their light-skin privilege according to some unclear standard?
What does it look like to admit that you, as a woman of color, are not excellent at all times? You are great at some things, not so great at other things, and average at most things. You are human and flawed and still deserve a beautiful life. How do you believe that when everything tells you, you must work twice as hard to earn half as much?
How do you find the courage to strive toward success in a society that hates you if you cannot change that society on your own, no matter how much you protest, how many A’s you get, or how excellent you are?
That’s the book my soul wants me to explore. I am still exploring it. And I must tell you, writing it is a lot hard than writing about career transition strategies.
It requires more vulnerability, introspection, and truth-telling than I was prepared to discuss when I applied for the fellowship. At the same time, it has made me feel more connected and clear then I’ve ever experienced before.
Going after the deepest desires of your heart feels like this. You will feel connected, energized, and closer to your purpose.
It also will be a gigantic pain in the a**.
You know what you want to do next in your career and life. It’s “what you don’t want to know, what you don’t want to find out. But something forces you to anyway.”
That’s the big leap you need to take. That’s the career that will bring you the most fulfillment, and ultimately, show what you were built for.
In power and solidarity,
Toya
P.S. Expect to hear more about my book, The Courage Practice, as I write it. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on the four questions above? How do you strive for a successful, full life and simultaneously acknowledge the oppressive forces on your life?
Vacation Pics
Last week, we were on vacation in Sun Valley. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Here are some pics of the vacation but really, of my baby girl.
This came right on time.