Space To Think

Photo by Jean Giroux on Unsplash

Dear Worthy Woman,

One of the beautiful things about running a blog and writing consistently for almost 7 years is that you get to witness your own evolution in real time. You can trace the threads of who you were becoming, even when you had no idea where those threads were leading.

Looking back, I can see that the seeds for who I am today were planted way back then. I was moving toward something, even when I couldn't name exactly what that something was. In 2018, one of the things I was unconsciously moving toward was the coaching framework I use with my clients today. The blog post I'm resharing below actually served as the foundation for the first phase of that framework.

Sometimes we think we don't know what we want next. We ruminate endlessly. We feel confused and stuck, convinced we don't know the next step. So we run around frantically trying to figure it out through more research, degrees, and anything that feels like forward motion. Instead of all that running, what we really need is to sit still.

When we finally give ourselves permission to create space to think, to breathe, to be, the answers we were desperately searching for often reveal themselves. Like those keys we lost that magically reappear on the kitchen counter, they were there all along.

We just needed to stop looking so hard.

A Brief Work History

I’ve had a job of some kind since I was 14 years old. Back then, a job wasn’t really a necessity. I didn't grow up rich, but my parents never deprived me of the important things. I got a job at 14 because I wanted those teenage extras - name brand clothes, shoes and money for hanging out. I also wanted a little independence. If I had my own money, I didn't have to run every purchase past my parents. I could earn what I needed and buy what I wanted.

As time past, I continued to work because that's what responsible kids do. A job gave you something to talk about on interviews for college and beyond. A job got you connections that led to internships. A job demonstrated that you were responsible, hardworking, smart, poised, etc.

After school ended and adult life began, I got a job because that was the point, wasn’t it? I did all of the things - school, grades, internship, law school, activities, and societies - all of it to get the job. And I certainly wasn't going to get to that close to the finish line and not cross it.

My first legal job was beyond gratifying for me. I'd accomplished my lifelong dream of becoming a lawyer, and now I had the job to go along with it. I learned a lot and met great people. But after a few years, all I found myself doing was complaining. The politics of the workplace constantly loomed over everything I did, and the stress of the work itself became overwhelming. I began to hate going to work every day and wanted a way out.

Space To Think

When you follow the rules and work all the time, you never create space in your life to consider what you really want. In school there are rules to follow, so you never have to think about it.

But when you are out there in the real world, there are no rules. You get to decide what you want to do everyday. You get to choose. Unfortunately so many of us limit that choice to going to a job we hate everyday.

I did it too. After complaining about my job for the better part of 5 years, I came to a crossroads. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like had a bit of wiggle room in my finances and knew it was time to make a change. I considered moving or buying a new car, but I never quite found a place or car that moved me to purchase.

I was restless. What I needed was space and time to think. I just didn’t know how to get that time.

Permission to Take 5 Years

Here’s what I knew for sure:

• I loved entrepreneurship and wanted to try to start a business;

• I wasn’t exactly sure what that business looked like, but if I created space for myself I could figure it out;

• I wanted to go after my dreams and that statement felt naive and frivolous as a working professional woman; and

• I wasn’t getting any younger, and the time to take a chance on myself was now or never.

Randomly, I also had this statistic in my head that said that 50% of businesses fail in 5 years. So that became the goal I gave myself permission to dream about.

5 years

If I could follow the entrepreneurial path for at least 5 years and support myself financially, then that would equal success for me. That would let me know I was headed in the right direction.

I wish I could say that after making these realizations, I quit my job immediately and ate fear for breakfast. But that’s not what happened. It took me another 6 months to quit, and another year and a half to start the business I was meant to start.

What actually happened that day though was that I gave myself permission to do what I wanted and take what I needed despite my fear. I created space to think, create and make a living, and that has made all the difference.

Your turn: What dreams are you holding back on? What would happen if you gave yourself permission to create the space you need to figure it out? Drop a comment below and let me know.

In power and solidarity,

Toya