That Voice in Your Head Is Not Your Friend
Recently, I was reflecting on the last time my family came to town for a visit. What's interesting about those family visits is the enormous amount of gratitude I feel immediately after. This gratitude fills me up and my creativity flows as a result. That creativity inspired me to write this poem.
RE: Mama
The giggling -
Sweet, happy,
Tuning from loud to soft and in between.
Then a squeal,
A shriek of joy
As she made a joke and a funny face
Or played a made-up game.
This is all after bath time;
which she orchestrated with
Toys & bubbles; all of it.
After our bellies were full,
Of love and fried chicken.
That she cooked, served, and clean up after
With a song in her heart
And a smile for all of us.
Now, I'm not a poet (clearly). I'm sure there are many things in my piece that can be improved, but that's not the point. The point is that inspiration came, and I responded. A lawyer from Jersey just shared with you the poem she wrote about her mother.
Writing the poem was the easy part. The hard part was sharing it. As soon as I thought about posting it, all of these concerns stopped me like: What if this poem is really terrible? What will people think? Am I making a fool of myself here?
Those thoughts, along with many others like them, are collectively called resistance. Resistance appears whenever you are pursuing an endeavor that might do you or someone else some good. In the post I'm resharing this week, I discuss how resistance can hinder your work and offer strategies for overcoming it.
Defining Resistance
We live in a hyper-productive culture where there are tips, tricks, life hacks, and “best of” lists, all designed to help you accomplish your goals efficiently.
Do these tips work? I’d venture to say they do for the most part. So, with a little bit of time and Google, it seems like we should all be able to fulfill any dream pursuit easily. But we don’t.
What stops us is resistance.
In the foreword to the book War of Art, Robert McKee explains resistance like this:
[its] that destructive force inside human nature that rises whenever we consider a tough, long-term course of action that might do for us or others something that’s actually good.
In other words, resistance is the ultimate hater.
Resistance is that little voice in the back of your mind that says, “You sure you want to do that?” “That’s never going to work,” “People are going to think you’re weird,” “You have bills to pay and need a real job, not a dream.”
Resistance is the reason you simply “can’t find the time” to start that book, art project, or business that you’ve been dreaming of for years.
Resistance sucks, and the worst part is you can’t solve it. Just as sure as you will have new goals to pursue, there will be new forms of resistance meeting you every step of the way.
You will procrastination, over-identify with the drama of friends and family, incessantly read about self-help, eat cake, and be overcome by the desire to clean or organize anything, whenever you're in the midst of doing work to complete a goal.
I was supposed to write this post earlier this week. Instead, I’m the proud owner of a reorganized closet thanks to resistance.
How To Defeat Resistance
To accomplish your goals despite this internal force working against you, here are some tools to add to your arsenal:
The Job Is Never Done
Remember how I said I was supposed to write this post earlier this week? Well, when I finally sat down to tackle it today, guess what happened? Resistance pulled up a chair right beside me.
The only difference is that I remembered to be vigilant. I knew it would show up eventually, so I prepared for its pursuit. This post is the result. You "can't set it and forget it" when it comes to resistance. Defeating it is an on-going process. Over time, the battle gets easier with certain tasks, but it's always there.
Routines Help
We talk about habits as a means to increase productivity, but it’s also one of the best tools against resistance. Our minds love to develop routines because they can move them from our conscious mind (which requires more energy and effort) to an unconscious process that happens without a second thought.
For example, we don’t have to think about how to brush our teeth. We just do it. We learned that skill long ago, and we don’t have to remember any steps to complete the task. It’s a routine that happens automatically. The same can be true for our work. The more routines we create, the more things will just happen without thought or a battle with resistance.
Fear is Part of The Equation
For several years, I tried to get over my fears. I thought that if I were to conquer them I would be able to leave my job, start a business, start a family, etc. After trying that for way awhile, I realized that you never get over fear. It's always there. Our job is to feel our fears and do the work anyway. The more you act in the face of fear, the more you realize that you don’t die or fall apart when you do something you are afraid of; you get things done.
You’ll Win The War
Despite the battles that I constantly fight with resistance, one thing I’ve learned from watching others is that if I just keep showing up and doing the work, I’ll win the war.
There is no secret sauce needed. The competition is only within me. As long as I keep showing up, I’ll get better. Things will get easier. Progress will naturally occur. My job is just to keep going in the face of it all.
Fighting To Win
Are you interested in facing resistance and accomplishing your goals? I can help. It’s the type of work I do with my clients every day. Let me help you create a plan to combat resistance so you can start achieving your goals instead of ruminating about them. Click the button below to book a call and learn more.
In power and solidarity,
Toya
P.S. Here’s that link again: Book A Call
That poem is awesome!! I want more!