Recently, I talked with a neighbor about the state of public school education as it relates to neurodivergent children.
Newsflash: It's not great, as I'm sure many of you know.
During that conversation, though, my neighbor made a larger point that applies to more than just parent interactions with the school system.
My neighbor noticed a lack of trust in her interactions with her child's teacher during their very first meeting. So much so that she had to work hard to build trust in that relationship so they could begin to address her child's issues as teammates instead of adversaries.
Research shows that people are more likely to respond negatively to people they do not trust. In one study, people who knew others didn't trust them had lower opinions of those people and were less likely to behave altruistically toward them.
In my neighbor's case, this means that her child's teacher might have been predisposed to a lower opinion of her based on her mistrust of parents. By extension, this lower opinion might have spilled over into how the teacher treated her child.
This lack of trust isn't the teacher's fault. Teachers had to bear the brunt of the collective ire of parents frustrated by Zoom school during COVID and the efforts to get kids back on track after COVID. So there are many reasons why this teacher may not have trusted my neighbor.
The teacher may also be feeling the effects of the pervasive mistrust in all areas of our society today. We are inundated with fake news, deep fakes, AI-generated phone calls from people pretending to be our family members in distress, and stories about systems, institutions, and governments that abuse and misuse our trust.
We are in a trust crisis. So our response is to trust no one, not even ourselves.
When you don't trust anyone, you're always playing defense. And when you are always protecting yourself from an adversary, you never let your guard down long enough to bring new allies into the fold.
So, how can you cultivate trust even when you feel the need to armor up at all times? Here are some tips to help.
Start With Self Trust
When people talk about self-trust, they often talk about "trusting their gut.” Your gut, however, doesn't have magical powers. But the wisdom you hold in your body, mind, and spirit does. Self-trust comes from that place. It's about honoring your strengths, relying on your ability to make decisions based on your past experiences, and being honest about your weaknesses.
Breathe
To begin trusting that we will know who is trustworthy and who isn't, we must slow down and breathe. Breathing calms our nervous system, gets us out of our unconscious and automatic ways of interacting with people, and brings us into the present moment. When we breathe, we are better able to recognize who is worthy of our trust and who isn't based on what's happening in the present moment instead of our distrustful programming.
Separate News From Reality
Salacious stories sell. That's why we are fed a 24-hour news cycle featuring the most outlandish and heinous stories. It's also why true crime has become its own podcast and documentary film category. Those stories make headlines because they are so far from the ordinary experiences of most people. For the most part, we lead routine lives and interact with other folks leading routine lives. We generally wish each other well and want to lead happy and healthy lives. Our reality isn't a true crime doc, and we must remember that to begin to trust differently.
Is there an important relationship in your life that lacks trust? Try this three-step method and message me to let me know how it goes.
In power and solidarity,
Toya