Why you can't meditate your way out of oppression PLUS something weird
854 words | 3 mins 24 secs read time
In personal development circles, there is a lot of talk about limiting beliefs — deeply held beliefs that limit our ability to strive for more.
Understanding our limiting beliefs is important. It helps us see where we are getting in our way so we can continue to evolve.
BUT…
Every issue that holds women of color back isn't a limiting belief. Oppression plays a considerable role in our ability to achieve.
So when self-help books and coaches misconstrue internalized oppression for limiting beliefs, it sets women of color up to fail. It tells us that we should be able to cure a societal, systemic issue by examining internal thoughts and beliefs.
That's like saying that all you have to do to succeed is pull yourself up by your bootstraps without acknowledging that white supremacy stole the boots of marginalized groups a long time ago.
Women of color can't pull on bootstraps we don't have. All we can do is walk down the path shoeless, avoiding glass, rocks, and debris.
I think the best way to understand the difference between internalized oppression and limiting beliefs is to give an example.
Unraveling the Differences: Internalized Oppression v. Limiting Beliefs
Imagine you're at a party. While there, you overhear someone saying, "All people from X group are just so lazy."
You are a person from X group. You've heard this statement in different ways from so many people that you ignore it at that moment. However, you unknowingly start to believe it because you've heard it so many times.
To compensate for your unknowing belief, you always overgive and overdeliver to the point of exhaustion. You also avoid associating with other group members at work because you don't want to be viewed as lazy, too. You want people to know you are "one of the good ones," even if you are exhausted and aren't paid for your extra work.
That's internalized oppression. It occurs when marginalized groups internalize the negative stereotypes, attitudes, and beliefs held about their group by the dominant culture. It's like being handed a dirty mirror by society and believing that it's truly your reflection.
Limiting beliefs are a bit different. They are the thoughts or opinions people believe to be the absolute truth about themselves.
Think of them as annoying sticky notes that we put on ourselves. Messages like, "I suck at math" or "I'm not good at sports." They come from all over – past experiences, family sayings, or societal norms, but they are not tied to oppressive messages from the dominant culture.
Limiting beliefs are individual. They are personal little gremlins whispering doubts in our ears, but they are not necessarily linked to our membership in a group.
Internalized oppression, on the other hand, is communal. It's like a chant that women of color unwillingly memorize and repeat, which causes us to think less of ourselves.
When it comes to personal development, understanding and labeling limiting beliefs and internalized oppression correctly is crucial because the approaches to dealing with these issues on the road to success and achievement are quite different.
For internalized oppression, traditional self-help approaches aren't going to cut it because the impetus for those beliefs is not in the past, like limiting beliefs. We are assaulted by oppressive messages day in and day out. So, we need practices and approaches that help us thrive despite those messages. Instead, we get advice and tools that bypass the discussion entirely.
That's why my work in the world is to coach differently.
Something Weird
I was recently asked in an icebreaker to share something weird. It was one of those moments where I volunteered after someone else. They went first and shared the odd fact that I planned to say. So, I had to come up with something in the heat of the moment.
Let's just say that what I came up with wasn't that weird or that interesting. I'll spare you the details here.
Now that the idea has been percolating in my mind for a few days, I figured I'd share a truly weird fact with you.
FACT: I'm obsessed with learning about cults and all things a little bit culty. If it's a documentary, book, or podcast about leaders, followers, or defectors from actual cults like NXIVM or organizations skirting that cult line like MLMs, I'm binging every second of it.
That's why I recently listened to the audible version of Row House's Hey Hun: Sales, Sisterhood, Supremacy, and Other Lies Behind Multilevel Marketing by Emily Paulson. In it, the author details her rise to the top of an MLM, whose identity she disguised under the name Rejuvenate, and uncovers the MLM link to cults and white supremacy.
It's a fascinating book. I highly recommend it.
In power and solidarity,
Toya
P.S. You better believe I looked up the name of the real MLM from the book. Dr. Google didn't disappoint. Hit me back or let me know in the comments if you find out the identity of the real MLM, too.
P.P.S. Baby Girl is on the move out in the wild. Hide anything that looks like you shouldn’t eat it. :)
I cringe more and more at white women talking about how bad “women” have it and how “women” can’t win. “Women” are set up to fail. Yes, as a woman there are ways I experience sexism, but as a white woman, I am a privileged person in our culture. Thank you for sharing your insight.