An often-quoted African proverb says it takes a village to raise a child. For children to grow into well-adjusted and productive adults, an entire community must provide for and interact positively with them.
In my signature coaching process, I argue that women of color must cultivate a community of fierce friendships to thrive, too.
Fierce Friendship Defined
Fierce friendships are a network of supporters where you can be unapologetically yourself. In fierce friendships, your hopes, fears, and dreams are welcomed without judgment or shame. Fierce friends act without asking and love freely without expecting anything in return. These friends aren't just the wind beneath your wings but the caring force propelling them.
We all want friendships like this, but often, it's hard to understand that you have a fierce friendship unless you see an example. So here is an example from my life.
Fierce Friendships: An Example
Unfortunately, I ended up in the hospital this week. I'm on the mend now, but amid all of this week's events, my most intense emotion was gratitude for the friends who showed up and continue to show up no matter what.
First, I was able to call on great girlfriends in the medical field when I started experiencing pain. They listened to my concerns, gave me advice, and continued to check in throughout the week.
Then, when I ignored my pain to check more things off my to-do list (even though I'm a coach, I'm human too), one of my best friends convinced me to go to the doctor, even though it wasn't in her best interest for me to do so at that moment. I was working on something for her company at the time. Still, she chose my well-being over her wants and desires.
Because my husband was out of town when I went to the doctor, a network of fierce friends came together to care for my daughter, dog, and home while I focused on my health.
I told my sister-in-law about my health issue as a "just-in-case" measure and told her I would call her if I needed her. She accurately ignored my "just-in-case" request and came over to be with me and my daughter anyway.
When I discovered I needed a hospital stay, my sister-in-law stayed with me until my husband arrived. Friends stayed with my daughter overnight, and neighbors cooked breakfast and lunch for my daughter because her parents weren't there to do it.
In other words, a whole network of friends came together in ways beyond my requests. They helped without asking and filled in the gaps without being told to do so.
That's why cultivating fierce friendships is integral to my coaching process. We need people to lift us up whether we ask for that help or not. Thriving requires support, and cultivating that support is one of the most important skills you can learn as you move toward your dream goals.
Does this example of fierce friendships resonate with you? Tell me how you've cultivated those relationships in the comments below.
In power and solidarity,
Toya